Me (before I started drinking and eating) 

10 feet. That's the size of the hole I am digging to bury the nostalgic impulse that led me to eat this for breakfast. Stale pie crust with consistency of baseball card bubblegum surrounding a unclassifiable toxic red goo covered with a lacquer of nearly indigestible glaze. Digesting this, if that's what it can be called, is followed by a flopsweat inducing sugar buzz that clashes with and turns the taste of the heretofore excellent coffee ("Major Peet's Blend") into that of cardboard dipped in venison sweat. Ewwwww... and I used to like these as a kid. Haven't had one in years and now I know why. 

Portal del Alto Merlot/Cab Sav Variety, 2000

I like red wine that actually tastes like grapes and not cedar chips or pears or whatever. Among my fondest memories of breakfast (besides my Dad's eggs) was grape juice and while I've moved away from so much sugar in the morning, I still look for it in my wines. I can smell a bit of cherry in here as well and I'm not complaining.

This is a inexpensive ($7) wine that my local wine store (Watergate Liquor and Wine) always seems to have in stock. It goes great with pizza, steak and just sipping (no, I haven't tried it for breakfast, thank you).

Photo courtesy of the
Portal Del Alto Website

Vie de France, K Street, Washington DC 7 July Breakfast

Vie de France, K Street Washington - somewhat reminiscent of those places in Paris except here you can order scrambled eggs and sausage, y'know American food! But you can pick up french rolls, butter croissants and all sorts of sugary confections (croissant pudding cake?) and a fairly decent (but slightly burnt) French Roast coffee (albeit served in take-away cups, the coffee lovers equivalent of beer cans).

But unfortunately, the scrambled eggs are stiff and dry and the bacon is limp and undercooked. Instead try their baked croissant embedded with cheese and sausage. That's right, they cook the croissant with the breakfast staples inside it making for a wonderful fusion for the breakfast meat lovers pallette. Of course, this is not challenging food - the ingredients can be found nearly everywhere but it is inexpensive and you don't have to dress up for it. Plus you can walk away with a decent loaf of pannella bread.

Service is an experience. Unlike the Parisan cafes, where the waiters know English but feign ignorance, here the servers, from who knows where, are English-challenged but feign comprehension. Not so oddly, the latter is much more endearing than the former - at least they are trying and not laughing at you behind their hands. So if you ask for a side order -- better spell it out for them and ask them to repeat it.

Battle of the low carb cranberry almond breakfast bars!!! 

On the top, clocking in at a light 1.0 oz is the Merry Dutchman's entry (Quaker Oats). Thin and colored lightly brown with a non-descript frosting, the cranberries are hard to find and it isn't very crunchy. Odd title - Q-smart? What's the Q stand for? Quickly through the intestines? Quietly down the gullet? But, for the true dieter, it's the choice at only 3 grams.

And in the bottom corner, from our good genetically enhanced friends at Post, it's Carbwell, a 1.23 Oz crunchy pile of smiles, reminiscent of those Rice Krispie bars your Mom used to make when you had friends over (which in my case was like twice, good times, good times...). The cranberries and almonds can clearly be discerned among the soy nuggets and tricalcium phosphate. Has a nice bouquet, too.

The choice for those controlling carbs: Post's Carbwell and for those truly dieting, well, I'm sorry your SOL when it comes to cranberry almond bars.

I'd say unforgettable except for the horrible taste it left in my mouth. This was a 3.95 cigar that should be .99 cents. Not recommended. More proof that my theory that the price of a cigar generally correlates with the quality (as a necessary condition at least). 

Stoudt's American Pale Ale

Yummy, rich bitter with only a little of its edge taken off in a lovely 4th of July label.